Sunday, May 31, 2015

Finger lickin'

Being a guy in rural America, living with a bunch of animals, having been in various health care settings including EMT and post-surgical, it takes a lot to disgust me. There is one thing that I really am squeamish about. Money. Not your plain everyday bills and coins, but in how it is handled. Yes, I know there are traces of cocaine on most denominations over $20, but there is one other thing. The other day a known customer and writer of the occasional column in the local fishwrap (newspaper) decided to pay cash for a small purchase.

He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of bills, sticks out his tongue, slobbers on his thumb, counts out some bills with said thumb and hands them to me! I wanted to yell, "You spit on your money and then hand it to me?!?", but I didn't because this Minnesota and we're supposed to be nice.

He did this!

I wanted to barf ! Or better yet, pee on his change before giving it back! I really should have just to make a point. At least urine is sterile (usually)! There have been at least 500 types of bacteria  found in healthy human mouths, let alone a sick person. EEEEWW!

People with the habit of licking their fingers before giving their money to someone should be made to walk around like this:

Maybe I should stop whining and do something constructive. I should buy a bunch of various office products made for such purposes and distribute them freely among the businesses in this town. Then maybe on to Duluth and the Twin Cities! Yeah, this could be big! I could wear a mask and costume and do it for Truth, Justice, and the American Way! SuperTackyFingers!
 Leaving these wherever I go.

Or I could just put up some silly pictures on the internet and hope it helps curb this nasty habit, because this is Minnesota and we are supposed to be nice.


  1. Well, I was about to have lunch, but now.....

  2. People use cash where you live?

    (I'm cracking a joke to cover up my disgust a little.)

  3. When I was a kid in Catholic school, I remember this one nun who constantly licked her fingers in order to turn book pages. Yeek!

  4. I'm with Katy. Who uses cash these days? I recently went to Nordstrom's (too high end for me, but they sell an eyelash curler there that no one else sells) and when I got out cash for the $17 purchase, they directed me to a "special" cashier--the only cash register that handles cash.

    Pretty soon, we'll get thrown out of stores for wanting to use the green stuff...

  5. Have you ever seen the little rubber thingies bank tellers used to have on their counting finger?

    Have a pocketful of them and distribute them to people before they hand you cash.

  6. Ew. This is like those people who double dip their chips at parties.

  7. Eeeewwww... I use cash all the time - keeps me on the straight and narrow, and makes it much easier to avoid trouble down the road. But now I want to put on gloves for handling it!

    I used to work in the corporate offices for a grocery store chain - we used to have food all the time (recipes that were being tried, samples brought in, etc.). Then we all figured out that a new administrative assistant wasn't washing her hands after using the bathroom, yet she was still helping herself to food that was brought into the break room. Nobody took food after she had helped herself...

    Signs in the bathroom didn't help. Luckily she didn't last long, she left for another job. At the local hospital.


  8. Eeeeuw. And repeat.
    Not feeling very well here now. And I do use cash. Which is probably why I feel sick.

  9. SFM, Sorry about that.

    Katy, Where I live people still keep money in their mattresses and buried in cans in the back yard.

    Ahab, If it was the Bible her spit probably became holy, but still disgusting.

    Sioux, Seriously? I don't think anyone under 50 can even count back change properly. No offense to you young'uns.

    Friko, Great idea! Finger condoms for all!

    Donna, Wrapping your lips around a chip and redipping is seriously rude.

    PP, You totally understand what I am talking about. Now you know why a lot of people get sicker in hospitals.

    EC, I use cash quite a bit so I don't spend more than I actually have, but there are certain risks in doing so. Eeeuww!

    John Gray, You're in health care so I know you can appreciate this. The only reason I have survived is because I ate a handful of dirt every month as a child (not generally on purpose) so my immune system is awesome.

  10. Maybe it would help you to wear latex gloves.

  11. My wife handles all our cash money so I never have to worry about the germs on it; she does. Just to really gross yourself out, get a few petri dishes and swap one bill of each denomination to see which is the filthiest lucre.

  12. Well, I'm successfully grossed out, and like you, that takes a lot. This is why I only ever use a credit card. I don't want spittle-covered bills painstakingly handed back to me as change. "You know what? Keep it."

  13. It only grossed you out because you SAW it - imagine, now, what's on everything else that other people touch ... doorknobs, tap handles, grocery carts, those fruits and vegetables at the store, your keys after car repairs, your glasses after adjustments ... EW EW EW ... the only sane thing to do is wash frequently and/or use hand sanitizer until you feel tipsy. Not that I'm like that or anything.

  14. Never mind; if you think spit is gross, keep in mind that at any given time there's a small but significant number of bills that have spent quality time nestled in some male stripper's sweaty banana hammock. Or female stripper's G-string, take your pick. So if it makes you feel any better, consider what he was putting in his mouth the second time he licked his finger...

  15. Nancy, Not a bad idea. Fortunately, we do very little in cash sales (mostly in house accounts).

    BF, When I took a couple of semesters of microbiology we samples sidewalk cracks and doorknobs.The results were frightening.

    ABFTS, Great idea for getting bigger tips! At least once, anyway.

    jenny_o, The wife gave me some hand sanitizer to keep in the car when I was working in the lab. She also had the pharmacy put sanitizers on their counters.

    Diane, Leave it to you to make this even worse! Good job! :)

  16. one hot summer Texas day a woman reached inside her hot sweaty tits and pulled out a wad of sweaty bills to pay for something..I didn't say anything but went over and got a kleenex and gently picked up each bill and put it them in an envelope and stuck it in the register and then handed her her change..boy was she pissed..hell, she should have been glad I even took it.

  17. They say that nothing in this world is filthier and more germ-ridden than money. Wishing you much success in tilting at your windmill, Don Quixote.

  18. This - and Jackiesue's comment - made me laugh out loud … in commiserating disgust! Add to the sweaty saliva-ridden money the fact that an alarmingly large proportion of the population don't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom and … well … makes you want to eat out more at the Golden Corral, doesn't it?

  19. Many people lick their fingers when they turn the pages of a book or magazine. My mother did. It makes me sick.


  20. JACKIESUE, She was pissed that you didn't like her tit sweat? Maybe it was all the rage where she came from.

    Debra, The love of something as filthy as money defies logic. Thanks for the wishes Dulcinea. ;)

    AT, It actually makes me want to boil all my cash (about $25 this week) and coins for 10 minutes before using it.

    Janie, at least no one will want to borrow your mother's books!

  21. Money is probably already so germ laden you are screwed when you are handling it anyway.
    the Ol'Buzzard

  22. That's a weird one, and not at all a nice thing to do, Jono. I agree that you should have peed on his change.

    Regardless, I hope you didn't get sick and that you're having a nice weekend.

  23. I inadvertently realized I was doing an equivalent maneuver. Last month as I drove out of a parking ramp I was holding the parking stub between my lips. As I handed it to the attendant at the exit, he put on a glove before taking it.

    That taught me a lesson. Now I put the stub on the dashboard as I exit the ramp.

  24. Minnesotastan, Who knows where those lips have been. If I were a parking lot attendant I would always wear gloves, but on behalf of parking attendants everywhere I thank you for your change of behavior.