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Monday, February 16, 2015

I've seen that before

Due to computer issues at home I am stealing a few moments at work to bring you some entertainment. Well, not really stealing as by law I get two fifteen minute breaks and a lunch break which I rarely get any of anyway. I have learned to swallow bites of sandwich nearly whole, without choking, in order to answer the phone. Of course, it takes enormous self control not to belch before the call is finished which brings us to our first meme.



 NEW GIRLFRIEND WORKS FOR THE CIRCUS  SWORD SWALLOWER  Success Kid
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You can see where I might be going with this. But I have eclectic tastes and a twisted sense of humor, so no need to worry. Just hide it from the kids.

A friend of mine recently loaned me his old bass guitar so I could see if I thought it might be fun to try and buy one of my own. Sometimes I get a bass riff in my head and it won't go away without some encouragement. Until I get it out of my system I'll thump away on my loaner and see if the need arises once again or if it's just a passing phase. So I wanted to immerse myself in the zen of bass playing and found these commandments to guide my search for low down wisdom.
I have learned a great deal about myself since undertaking this endeavor. I am sure there is a man high on a mountaintop who is closer to the Truth ( thank you Eric Burdon).
As an aspiring musician (I have always aspired because I have minimal actual talent) I realize that it was probably a sign of maturity that I always had a "real" job. Take this scene from my early life.
The thing is, I don't feel bad because in this world there are actually very few talented and smart people, many of whom tend to share this fact a bit too often.
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So I rarely feel like I am the bottom of the heap. Even those at the top of the heap really shouldn't be there as their arrogance, hubris, etc., makes them seem like the biggest idiots on the planet. Yet there they are in positions of power. Only a few of them understand.
So rather than trying to get you to think that I am a thinking person I just want to take you back to the basics. I mean really. If were smart I would be rich, after all, so rather than look up a bunch of rarely used words in the English language which YOU would then have to look up because you are not all that much smarter than me, I'll get back to the job at hand. For example, I have always wanted to actually SEE a chicken cross the road, let alone wonder why.












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Or maybe something like this:

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A little help with the concept on this one.
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Okay, next time I'll do something else, but these were fun.

20 comments:

Sioux said...

Jono--As you gobble down your sandwich at your desk, I hope you know how to administer the Heimlich to yourself when you choke. You know, throw yourself against the edge of your desk. Repeatedly.

And while you're at it, take a video of it. We all want to watch it.

Why don't you practice it now,s o you know how to really do it when you need to really do it.

Jono said...

Sioux, that is such awesome advice. I am the only one here at the moment except for one guy outside. This would be a great time to practice! What could possibly go wrong? Now I need a Go Pro so I can post it on youtube! This could be the start of my new career!

Donna Banta said...

Awesome-all of them awesome. Thanks Jono.

jenny_o said...

There is a lot of fun stuff out there on the internet. I especially like the SMART salad bar where nothing begins with the letters, and the thumbs-up for waking up. That's how I feel some days :) Thanks for the chuckles.

Ahab said...

You always find the best memes! I liked the boy and the dog with matching T-shirts. The shower-invading dog looked a little too happy over his mischief!

Pixel Peeper said...

LOL at the "have a safe weekend!" Of course, with the pushpin having been through the product, it might not be so safe any more...

Funny, I just had a picture of a chicken crossing a road a few posts back. We must be both great, smart minds, huh?

JACKIESUE said...

the closest I ever came to croaking was eating a dry cheese sandwich over the sink before I had to run back to work..choking on a dry cheese sandwich is not how I want to go out..

Diane Henders said...

Fabulous - Thanks for the laughs! I particularly loved the ten commandments for the bass player. I've always wanted to be able to jam with a bunch of musicians (actually almost-musicians would be better since real musicians would probably need to slap me after I screwed up for the umpteenth time), but it's kinda tricky to fit my piano into my car to get to the gig.

Shoshanah Lee Marohn said...

I needed those life goals! Thanks!

I don't need to see any more chickens crossing the road, though. I pretend I'm not home when they do that.

Agi Tater said...

I think I just got smarter. Or did someone fart? Why don't more chickens cross the road? And why don't was call Columbus Day something more appropriate?

Jono said...

Donna, Thanks, we needed that!

jenny_o, most of these represent the way I feel at times. I figure some must hit home for others.

Ahab, yeah, that shower dog has an amazing expression. Thanks for your links, btw.

PP, I think I actually did LOL at the condom pic. Classic jokes are classic for a reason. Not that I am sure of what the reason is.

JACKIESUE, There's only one sure way to go out the way you want and sometimes even THAT doesn't work.

Diane, I gave a copy of those to the guy that loaned me the bass. Life without music wouldn't be life as we know it. P.S. I am on #7 of your SPY books.

SLM, I am so easily entertained by animals. Maybe that's why I have so many.

Agi T., You seem to be as driven by curiosity as much as I am. I'll bet you are good at trivia, too.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Being retired I could say:
You poor bastard - having to spend the best years of your life working some dumb job; but I have been there and done that. - wolfed the sandwich -and you have my sympathy.

Retirement is great; but unfortunately you have to be bloody old to get here.

Thanks for the laughs.
the Ol'Buzzard

Pearl said...

They WERE fun, and I approve this message.

Pearl

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Yeah, I'd rather date the girl in the back too, and she doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

What were those naked mates doing when their car got flooded?

Tricky makes a great point about Armstrong.

So many more comments I could make, but I'll spare you now.

Thanks for the sillies, Jono. xo

The Blog Fodder said...

Awesome. Passing this on to a bass player.

A Beer For The Shower said...

Nothing like a collection of awesome and hilarious pictures to bring everything together. I've not seen a lot of these, but I'm a fan. And that Bill Nye meme is great. I like the gangsta science talk ones like this one.

Jono said...

Ol' Buzzard, Thanks for the sympathy! Yeah, I might be stubborn enough to live for quite a while yet.

Pearl, you have no idea how much your approval means to me. Even if it's just your message.

Robyn, wondering what was REALLY going on in those pictures is half the entertainment for me. Please don't feel the need to spare me. I can take it!

Blog fodder, yeah that was a personal favorite.

ABFTS, Bill Nye has turned into one bad-ass geek, hasn't he? I am glad there is a lot of humor still in the world.

gulliblestravelsdma said...

Was that SMART sign supposed to be an acronym. I am ashamed to be from Georgia.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the o'possum and raccoon that it can be done!

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

"Thou shalt not fuck up the groove."
Love it! It's my new life motto, Otto (son)!
Love the memes. I've always loved the old people "Woke up!" one.
Have a great weekend, funny guy.

Jono said...

gulliblestravelsdma, Yes, it was. I traveled through Georgia once and it seemed nice after the seriously severe thunderstorm. I almost got out my old copy of Field Guide to Flattened Fauna.

Dawn,It is a very worthy motto!