The Approaching Disaster

As our culture, such as it is, continues to deteriorate into hate-filled, headline grabbing, rants by people who mostly make shit up I bring you some truly awful news. No, this isn't about a call for more guns by ammosexuals across the country. It's about coffee. Yes, the stuff without which this country would not be able to get started in the morning. The same stuff that enables meetings, negotiations, and breakfast to continue on to their logical conclusions. The problem is a continuation of the ongoing issue of SHRINKAGE!

Remember the five pound can of coffee? Some of you may not be old enough to do that, so I ask you to remember the three pound can. In an effort to slowly deprive us of our "morning heroin" the manufacturers have done it once again. They used to just put a little less in the same can and hope you wouldn't notice the weight change and for the most part this has been successful. They don't realize that some of us have very keen observational abilities. Having been raised by wolves, as my stepmother claimed, I can smell a rat a mile away and my skepticism has kept me safe from harm. Except when it hasn't. See if you notice something different in this picture:

The one on the right was the last can I bought before last week when I bought the one on the left. See the difference? Those of you with a sharp eye may have noticed the can on the left is a bit shorter. The price, however, DID NOT CHANGE! That is effectively a 13% increase in price! Did I get a 13% raise at work to make up for this? Of course not! At some point coffee will be so expensive I will not be able to have any before work and, along with the entire U.S. workforce,  be unable to go to work sending this economy into a tailspin!

I have sent letters to Congress warning of the impending economic collapse, but I am not sure many of the Honorable Members can read as I haven't heard back yet. I sent them detailed photos with a well thought out assessment of the situation so they have had fair warning.

A 3.6 ounce (102 grams) decrease in weight means 30 less cups of final product. Although, I really don't believe for a minute that they can get much more than lightly colored water at that grounds/water ratio.

How long can this go on? I can already hear the early morning screams of my neighbors who are being slowly deprived of their morning java. Unless those are screams of passion, as it may be hard for me to tell the difference, I'm sure at least some of those screams are due to being deprived of caffeine.

Please don't get all judgmental (or any other kind of mental) about my morning choice. I am not wealthy enough to afford the likes of Starbuck's or any custom roasted beans to make my own morning brew. I have to economize and now with huge jumps in cost I may be forced into doing what the dirt poor Icelanders did in the old days by making dilutions with chicory, random grains, carrots, or potato peels. Acorns could be used also, but until the climate changes a little more oak trees don't do well this far north. I am not wealthy enough to horde things for the End Times, but for those of you who are I say this. Forget it! There is nothing you can do against millions of desperate people who want to get YOUR STUFF, so don't bait them with expensive rarities such as coffee and cat food (I'll warn you about cat food shortages at another time).

Heed my warning! I have spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff and researching all the relevant articles google has to offer so I know what I am talking about! Also, I am old so it doesn't matter much to me as I've lived a full life, but you younger folks need to be aware of this horrendous situation and do what ever you have to to ensure the survival of the species. It is up to you!