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Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas quotes and other delights

There are many meaningful, thoughtful, and poignant Christmas quotes from all kinds of literate people. Many try to find a deeper meaning for humanity and its treatment of the world and its inhabitants. There are many lessons to be learned, even at this age. However, I have thought those thoughts only to be let down by so much of humanity. Even after watching the violent throngs at Walmart and other shopping venues I know there is some redemption in the holiday season going back to its pre-pagan roots. To get a respite from all this deep thought and heavy thinking I have preferred the lighter side of holiday thought. 

Did Joseph really believe Mary when she told him who the father of the baby was?  How naive was the guy?
If Santa would have said Yo Ho Ho instead of Ho Ho Ho, would everyone dress up as pirates on Christmas?
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." -George Carlin
“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.”- Jarod Kintz
“Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card.” -Phyllis Diller
 “What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?”- Salman Rushdie
“Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.”-Janet Evanovich
 “The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.”-Craig Ferguson
“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.”- Mitch Hedberg
 “The Little Drummer Boy" was playing in the background for what seemed like the third time in a row. I fought off an urge to beat that Little Drummer Boy seneless with his own drumsticks.”-Dana Reinhardt
“The real Santa Claus is at the mall.”- Lemony Snicket

Let's hope we don't forget the really important stuff.


13 comments:

Friko said...

which is? do remind me.
In the scrum that is Christmas I have clean forgotten.

All I want is for the light to come back and the days to become of reasonable length again, so I have more time for shopping.

actually, that was Christmas, wasn’t it?

Knatolee said...

Those were GREAT!! Hope you had a happy Christmas, and have a wonderful 2014!

Pixel Peeper said...

Ha! You made me laugh.

Mr. Charleston said...

I've always like girls who wear slut shoes. But that's just me.

Ahab said...

What kind of sick Mafia holiday involves leaving severed feet in Christmas stockings!?

I hope you had a Merry Christmas, Jono. Best wishes for the New Year.

Pearl said...

All I want at this point is a pool of sun on the floor. I shall curl up and lay in it, like a cat.

Tired of winter but not tired of complaining about it,

Pearl

The Geezers said...

Ah, yet another fellow MInnesotan. I discovered you from Pearl's place.

Minneapolis is positively balmy, I imagine, compared to the North Shore, but I, for one, am ready for some global warming.

Donna Banta said...

Thanks for the laugh! And Happy New Year!

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Severed foot and slut shoes. This is why I love stopping in over at your place, Jono. :)

Jono said...

Friko, yes, it was.

Knatolee, I did, I will.

PP, I made me laugh,too.

Mr. C, I try to ignore that side of myself.

Ahab, the kind that were in Philly, near where I grew up.

Pearl, if there is reincarnation I want to come back as one of your cats.

The Geezers, I like global warming, too, but then I am not the center of the universe.

Donna, it's the least I could do after the insights I have received from you.

Dawn, twisted minds think alike.

Agi Tater said...

Love the wisdom of George Carlin. Happy New Year, Jono!

Jono said...

Thanks for stopping by AT! Are you related to Tater Salad?

Agi Tater said...

My pleasure Jono! It's very possible that I am related - 2nd cousins or something.