Office Christmas parties

Tomorrow night I have to go to the Cooker's "office" Christmas dinner party. The reason I put this in quotes is because it combines All the lawyers in the area. I think it is about 6 or 8.  Actually they are all pretty nice and basically decent people as are their minions staffs. One is even a fellow alumni (undergrad-small Lutheran Midwestern College on a hill). The biggest issue I will have is that we have to be there by six o'clock. I get off work at five, rush home, get cleaned up, and dressed properly (even clean undies - thank you for Margaret Day Murr) and to the resort restaurant by six. That gives me ten to fifteen minutes to turn myself from an honest working guy into a casually sophisticated, well read, confident gentleman who can schmooze with just about anyone about anything. They all know more about the law than I do (gawd, I hope so!), but there will only be a handful of other subjects that I won't be able to converse in intelligently. I have to drive so I won't be drinking any alcohol except maybe a beer with the main course. This means that most of them, except their drivers, will be getting more intelligent and talkative as the night goes on. At least in their viewpoint. Hey, it's a free meal and I might get a few good husband points for socializing with the county sharks. You never know when I might need one.
  

 UPDATE: There was a shooting at our courthouse today and the county attorney was shot as well as two others. The suspect is in custody. The Life Flight helicopter can't fly because of the weather so they took him to Duluth via ambulance. This is a small community and this sort of thing doesn't happen very often. When it does everyone is affected and we often know the people involved. Attorneys often get a bad rap or poked fun at, as above,  but they are as human as the rest of us and no more bullet proof. Do you know that in the U.S. there are 10,000 gun deaths each year? That is more than one every hour. Anyone can have one or get one and there seems to be an endless supply. The more there are the less people feel safe and then everyone feels they need one to protect themselves against all the others that have one and may flip out at any moment. It is a spiraling, self perpetuating nightmare with no end in sight. What is inherently wrong with our culture?
Needless to say there is no party tomorrow.